we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
