brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
