I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
