Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Pappa wants mamma naked
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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