i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
