Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
