sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
