I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize