I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
