the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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