My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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