My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
