I'm going to jail i love you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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