dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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