You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
