he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize