So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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