It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
