That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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