i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
