At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
