I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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