whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
