Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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