I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize