I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
