they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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