Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
