Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
