People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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