Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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