Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize