end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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