I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
