You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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