his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
