a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sober January is a disaster.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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