thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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