Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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