Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
