My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
