I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
