If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
