We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
