I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
