guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
