I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
