what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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