I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
