allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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