We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
