i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Actions speak louder than pants.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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