well I can't set my house on fire every night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
