he shaved USA in his pubs
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
