i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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