You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
