when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
