Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
