Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
