Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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