Ambien. No doubt about it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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