Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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