if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
