i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
