The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
