you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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