I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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