Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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