Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
