By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
